By the 7th July I had completed a first week at Silversands, and it was quite surreal as it was full of welcoming, helpful, supportive and interested people – so unlike my experience of much of Dorset Council, which was often divisive and fractious. Of course, it helped that on Tuesday we got a contract I’d been involved with before joining so I now have a 100% success rate on day two …!
And here I am sitting in a hotel room in London, which turns out to be the same hotel my parents stayed in for their honeymoon! In advance of a NETSCC meeting tomorrow. I came up early today to go and see the London Mithraeum, something I’ve wanted to do since I first worked with John Hinnells on my first dissertation. I actually re-read it yesterday in advance, and although it’s over 30 years old it seems not much has changed in the thinking and I have started wondering about the value of publishing it! No doubt, if that’s meant to happen something will prompt it further.
So, I’ve worked through my email and then watched a Tim Freke video on YouTube, sent to me by the lovely Marnie about the conflict between non-duality and objectivity and what came to mind was a phrase – I am the thinker AND the thought. I’ll see where that takes over the next few days.
I also spent time on Friday with Caroline, talking about 3 principles in practice in both our lives and I shared much of the insight I’ve had recently into my health and how I’m approaching it from the perspective of a lesson. Saying that, it seems that I believe if I master the lesson the health issues will go away, but actually it’s not really what it means – it’s more of an acceptance that there is something bigger for me to see, to understand, to know and to learn about how I am both the thinker and the thought in this – I can observe the reality of life unfolding in this particular drama at the same time as I am actively participating in it. It’s rather like Tim Freke was saying in his video that both states are true at the same time. I can accept the complicity I have in my life and see it in a bigger context without beating myself up.
I both create and live my life, and circumstances happen – sometimes I may fully pay attention to the messages the bigger bit of which I am an intrinsic part is saying, and sometimes I may choose to ignore it. Either way is OK, there is nothing intrinsically right or wrong about either of these positions, they just ‘are’. It’s a little like memory – I can never go back and revisit a memory of an event as it really unfolded because I’m now accessing it in the present, through the lens of everything that has since happened in my life and in relation to the thoughts I now experience about life. The memory I have is false, but it does help me appreciate where I am today, right now in this particular moment.
I feel a strong pull to research again, earlier in the year I contacted the university of Cardiff about an online masters programme about astrology and sacred geography – revisiting my dissertation and the mithraeum today adds fuel to that fire. At the same time I am aware of the challenge of a new job and health issues that have yet to be resolved and wonder how much of this desire to study is a desire for distraction from focusing on the matter at hand – who I really am and how I am experiencing existence.
I shall spend some time giving that a little brain space, even if I’m not actively thinking about it.